Said
by Kit the Kat
Summary: *PART TWO UP*Jeff is sick of Matt's ways of life and sick of life in general. VERY angsty. Dark thoughts, suicidal thoughts, ya know...everything. I'll give ya a treat if ya review.
1. Jeff's POV

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned. I just wish that I do. Also, I do not own the lyrics. They belong to Puddle of Mudd.  
  
Said: Part I  
  
"Emotionless I slip into the black  
  
And there's no turning back now  
  
Everyone around me is smoking crack  
  
This tunnel is blinding  
  
Hallucinating, I'm debating life  
  
But it's still moving forward  
  
If I could change the hands of time  
  
Well, I'd do it better"  
  
Jeff stared at the bottle of ibuprofen. He wondered what they would do if he took all of them. 'Probably nothing. They probably wouldn't even notice that I'm gone.' Tears came to his eyes.  
  
"Hey, bro, whatcha doin'?" Matt's voice interrupted him.  
  
"Hey, Matt. I got a headache, so I'm takin' some ibuprofen." Jeff took two pills out of the container and swallowed them.  
  
"Oh." Matt grinned suddenly. "I bought you a present."  
  
Jeff raised his eyebrows. "Really? And what would that be?"  
  
Matt rolled his eyes. "It's a present. That means that ya gotta come and open it, silly." He dragged Jeff out of the bathroom and pointed to the present, wrapped in shiny silver paper.  
  
Jeff looked at Matt, then walked over to the present. He picked it up and unwrapped it. It was a pair of black leather pants and a red and black tiger print silky shirt. Jeff held the shirt up to himself and raised his eyebrows again.  
  
"I bought you some shoes, too," Matt pointed to a pair of chunky black boots.  
  
"What's the occasion?"  
  
"You're going to a club with me tonight. Whether you like it or not."  
  
"Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away"  
  
Jeff watched Matt and Adam's backs moving away from him. 'Well,' he thought, 'they finally got me to a club.' He looked around. The dance floor was covered with people dancing to the pulsating beat of the music. Jeff took a sip of his drink and sighed. 'Would they care if I left?' he wondered to himself. 'Prolly not.' He got up and walked out of the club. Jeff hailed a taxi and went back to the hotel that they were staying in.  
  
'Another night, another hotel.' Jeff sighed. It was one of the disadvantages to his job. He hated all the traveling that they had to do. He fell onto his bed and tried to sleep.  
  
"Fearless I have fell into trap  
  
And there's no way around it  
  
Everyone is crying in the back  
  
My kin is around me  
  
Hesitating, there's no second chance  
  
When you know you're a loser  
  
Keep on trying to keep an open mind"  
  
Jeff stood backstage at a house show, watching everything around him. He didn't have a match tonight, he was just here to support his brother.  
  
His brother.  
  
'Humph,' he thought. 'Some brother he is.'  
  
Jeff realized that all these people that he worked with were about as close to family as he could ever get. 'So then why do they all hate me?' he questioned. 'Aren't families supposed to love each other?'  
  
Someone called out to him and told him that Matt's match was up next. He heard their music playing and he went out to cheer Matt on.  
  
"I'm caught in a circle  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away"  
  
After the show was done, Jeff watched his brother walk away from him with a bunch of his friends to go out and part. He sighed, almost wishing that he was going with then. But no, he was instead going back to the hotel, back to another night of loneliness, another night of emptiness, of nothing.  
  
'Maybe I really should just kill myself. Get it over with. One less person for everyone to worry about. One less person for Vince to pay.'  
  
The more Jeff thought about it, the more it sounded like a good idea. Jeff walked into the bathroom in his room and stared at the now familiar bottle of ibuprofen.  
  
"Emotionless I slip into the crack  
  
Feel as if I've fell into the blue  
  
Hallucinating there's no turning back  
  
Everyone around me is smoking crack"  
  
"Jeff?" Matt voice interrupted him once again. Matt poked his head around the door. "Jeff? What's wrong?"  
  
"I have another headache.  
  
"Another one? Jeff, maybe something is wrong with you."  
  
'Yeah, something's wrong with me, alright.'  
  
"It's not normal to have that many headaches." Matt walked over to Jeff and put his arms around Jeff, hugging him.  
  
"No, I suppose not," Jeff muttered. He broke away from Matt.  
  
"Hey, is something bothering you?" Matt asked. "You've been…different lately."  
  
'Maybe it's 'cause I hate my life and what's going on in it.' Jeff stared at the floor.  
  
Matt frowned, concerned. "Ya know, Jeff, you can always talk to me when something's wrong. I'm your brother and I love you."  
  
Just then someone knocked on the door and Matt's friends were dragging him away.  
  
"Bye, Jeff!," Matt called over his shoulder. "Don't do anything stupid!"  
  
"Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
If you've even heard a thing I've said"  
  
'Stupid? Stupid would be me staying alive!' Jeff walked over to his bottle of pills. He got a glass of water and walked back out into the main room. Sitting down on the bed, he reached into his bag and pulled out the knife that he had just bought today. Next, he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled a quick note.  
  
"Good-bye, anyone who cares. I'm sorry Matt. Love ya, bro. ~Jeff~  
  
He placed it on Matt's bed and picked up his water and pills.  
  
'Is this right? Should I really do this?'  
  
Shaking off his doubts, Jeff quickly swallowed the pills. He lay down and picked up his knife, admiring the sharp blade. He ran the blade over his wrist, gasping at the pain.  
  
'God, I'm killing myself in a hotel. I'm such a loser.'  
  
He slid the blade along his other wrist. He watched the blood flow from his wounds as he slid into oblivion.  
  
  
  
~The End~  
  
  
  
Review! Now! *sweet face* Please? *offers cookie* 


	2. Matt's POV

Disclaimer: I own no one, I only bring them out to play. The lyrics belong to the band Puddle of Mudd.  
  
Said: Part II  
  
A/N: Is pretty much the same events as Part one, but from Matt's POV now.  
  
"Emotionless I slip into the black  
  
And there's no turning back now  
  
Everyone around me is smoking crack  
  
This tunnel is blinding  
  
Hallucinating, I'm debating life  
  
But it's still moving forward  
  
If I could change the hands of time  
  
Well, I'd do it better"  
  
"Matt! Hurry up!"  
  
"Jesus, Adam, hold your horses," Matt grinned. He looked into the mirror, checking out his hair. Adam looked into the bathroom, sticking his tongue out at Matt.  
  
"The more you try and make me hurry, the slower I'm going to be."  
  
"Maaatt!" Adam groaned.  
  
Matt giggled and brushed his long, dark hair back. They heard the door to the room being opened. Matt walked out of the bathroom to get dressed and saw that it was his brother. "Hey, Jeff!"  
  
"Hey, Matt," Jeff muttered back, walking over to his bed. He lay down with his face in the pillow.  
  
Matt looked at his brother's back. Jeff was wearing all black more and more lately. His hair, which used to be bright colors, was now a deep navy blue. 'I wonder if something is bothering him. Maybe I shouldn't go out with Adam tonight. Jeff and I hardly spend any time together anymore.'  
  
"Matt?" Adam said from behind him. Matt jumped.  
  
"What? Oh, sorry." He quickly got dressed and went out the door with Adam. But he looked back at his brother on last time and he could have sworn that Jeff was crying.  
  
"Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away"  
  
All that night at the club, all Matt could think about was Jeff's body lying there on his bed. He had a feeling that there was something bothering him.  
  
"Matt? Have you heard anything I've said?"  
  
"Sorry, Adam," Matt grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Dude, what's wrong with you? You're such a spaz lately!"  
  
'Maybe I'm sick of all your bullshit and this partying. It's gets old after awhile. Maybe I want to settle down some.' Out loud, he said, "I don't know, man. I just can't seem to concentrate on anything."  
  
"Maybe that brother of yours is finally wearing off on you," Adam joked.  
  
"His name is Jeff," snapped Matt.  
  
Adam's eyes got big at this outburst. "Whoa, dude. Chill out. I know his name."  
  
"Then why don't you ever use it?" Matt got up and walked away from the startled Adam.  
  
Fearless I have fell into trap  
  
And there's no way around it  
  
Everyone is crying in the back  
  
My kin is around me  
  
Hesitating, there's no second chance  
  
When you know you're a loser  
  
Keep on trying to keep an open mind"  
  
Matt watched his brother. As usual, Jeff was standing alone. He often wondered why Jeff did that. He could have easily made friends with many of the people around them. He started to walk towards Jeff, but Jay stopped him.  
  
'Damn you, Jay.'  
  
"Adam and I were wondering if you wanted to go out to the bars with us tonight," Jay said.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Matt said hastily. "Tell Adam that I'm sorry about walking out on him the other night."  
  
"I will. See you later, Matt."  
  
"Bye, Jay," Matt said, turning his head to where Jeff had been just seconds ago. He wasn't there anymore. 'Damnit, where did he go?' His music started to play just then and Jeff appeared out of nowhere to walk down the ramp with him and stand in his corner. After Matt won the match, they went back up the ramp together and then Jeff disappeared as usual.  
  
Adam and Jay appeared and dragged him away. He saw Jeff standing outside, waiting for a taxi, staring at him with hurt in his eyes. He bit his lip and paused, but then Adam shoved him into the car.  
  
They went back to the hotel and went to the room that Adam and Jay shared, then Matt told them to meet him at his room, and he went back to his room. Jeff was already there.  
  
"Jeff?" He looked into the bathroom. Jeff was looking at a bottle of ibuprofen with an intent look on his face. "Jeff? What's wrong?"  
  
"I have another headache," Jeff muttered.  
  
"Another one? Jeff, maybe something is wrong with you." Matt studied Jeff's unshaven face. "It's not normal to have that many headaches." Matt felt the urge to be close to his brother all of a sudden, so he leaned over and gave Jeff a hug.  
  
Jeff pushed him away and muttered something that sounded like, "I guess not."  
  
"Hey, is something bothering you?" He was really concerned for Jeff. "You've been…different lately." Jeff didn't answer him. "Ya know, Jeff, you can always talk to me when something's wrong. I'm your brother and I love you."  
  
He heard a knock on the door and opened it. It was Adam and Jay and the two of them wanted to leave immediately. 'They always show up at the worst times!' "Bye, Jeff! Don't do anything stupid!"  
  
"I'm caught in a circle  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away"  
  
Matt felt horrible for leaving Jeff. The look on his brother's face was eating away at him. 'I shouldn't have left him. I always leave him. It's not right. I gotta go back.' He had a horrible feeling in his stomach. 'God, I keep thinking that something is wrong. I'm going back to the room.' He got up from the bar and ran as fast as he could back to the hotel, which was only a few blocks away.  
  
'God, he better be okay,' he thought as he ran. Grabbing the key card out of his back pocket, he quickly opened the door. "Jeff?" There was no answer. 'Shit!' He walked further into the room and his heart stopped for a second. "JEFF!" he screamed. His brother lay on the bed bleeding. There was blood all over the sheets and Jeff's clothes and body. A knife lay next to him, as well as an empty bottle of pills. Matt ran to the phone and called for help. As soon as he hung up, he turned back to his brother. Matt collapsed next to the bed, crying.  
  
"Emotionless I slip into the crack  
  
Feel as if I've fell into the blue  
  
Hallucinating there's no turning back  
  
Everyone around me is smoking crack"  
  
"Jeff, how could you do this?" he asked his motionless brother. He heard a knock at the door and the paramedics came in. He went to the hospital with them.  
  
The next day, when he was finally allowed into Jeff's room, he sat next to the bed and looked at his brother's form. The doctor had assured him that physically, Jeff would heal, but mentally and emotionally, he would need a lot of help getting over his problems. 'I'm gonna help him. I will be there for him.'  
  
"Matt?"  
  
Matt's eyes flew open and he looked at Jeff. He reached over and held Jeff's hand. He was startled when Jeff pulled it back.  
  
"Damn you, Matt."  
  
"Jeff?"  
  
"Why the hell did you do it?"  
  
"I couldn't let you die. I can't let you die." Matt's eyes filled with tears. "I love you so much, Jeff. You can't die."  
  
"You love me? Gee, coulda fooled me."  
  
The tears slid from Matt's eyes. "Jeff…I-"  
  
"Shut up, Matt, just shut up. I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say that you're sorry and that you didn't know that it hurt me that much and that you won't do it anymore. Well, BULLSHIT!"  
  
Tears were now streaming down Matt's face. "Jeff…I…you…Jeff," he said helplessly, desperately.  
  
"I hate you, Matt."  
  
"No! Jeff!"  
  
"Just leave me alone."  
  
Matt somehow made it out of the room and onto the street. He walked in the general direction that he thought the hotel was in. As he crossed a street, the tears blinded him, and he didn't see the car racing towards him at a high speed.  
  
"Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
Just walk away  
  
If you've even heard a thing I've said"  
  
  
  
~The End~  
  
  
  
Please review!! *points to button/link thingy with puppy dog eyes* 


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